03.25.20

A cloudy and gloomy morning. Heavy thoughts and an underwhelming feeling of exhaustion. Too much work. Too many days at the wheel. Press on. Drink coffee. Being the best is irrelevant.

Words.

Competitive spirit.

Ride bikes.

Take the dog for the long walk and dress warm because it’s cold. It’s been cold. For months. It feels like the cold is going to last forever. Today is not the best day. There is always tomorrow. Try again. Ups and downs. Strikes and gutters. Keep showing up. Keep sending the message. Keep keeping. Keep.

Fill the page with whatever pops up and write it down without a pen. The internet is ablaze and we are clamoring to figure out what the next chapter is going to look like. Stop.

Get a coffee.

Put cream in it and don’t worry about the fitness or the extra layer around the middle. None of it matters. Nothing does. This is all unfolding in real time and a writing desk at home would be real nice, but it doesn’t exist and it isn’t going to and you’re just going to have to figure it out because that’s where now is. This is your life and you are subject to the pitfalls and if you just keep riding your bike you’re going to be fine.

Fuck. This is so frustrating. This separation and distancing and the ever-changing way of doing things and the new normal and the stimulus and the lies and the bullshit. Another antiquated white man isn’t going to save us and voting in this next election is a giant garbage can full of lies and false hope, but you should go and vote because it’s democracy.

I am tired of the nonsense and the bullshit put forth to me by the rich and the people that protect their own self-interest. It hasn’t helped anybody other than themselves and it won’t help going forward.

A general strike is in order. A massive movement of workers across every sector. Head to the streets and demand change. March on Washington and demand the elderly leave their offices and collect their things. Rise up and command a new direction.

It is time for the wealthy to stop protecting themselves on the backs of the poor.

03.24.20

There is no normal. There has never been a normal.

There is only ever now and now is amazing if I can stop long enough to absorb everything it actually is.

Be well. Love fiercely. Go forward.

03.22.20

There is so much good in the world. Even in the face of adversity and pain and struggle, good is around us. It really is. While it does require mindfulness to see it, all one has to do is look. Maybe it’s a bird singing because it’s Spring? Maybe it’s the sun peeking out from behind the clouds? Maybe it’s the quiet in a dark room? It could be anything, but it will never appear if we are not open to seeing it.

03.20.20

I work with the public. Every day. I go to work and I interact with anyone and everyone that wants to come through the door.

Right now, in this moment and in this time, working with the public is terrifying. Being subject to interacting with strangers in a space where they can leave whenever they want and I am locked in place is hard.

I continue to go. I show up. I clock in because I have to. I have to get paid and there is no option for me to work remotely.

I don’t know what this thing looks like on the other end, but I am hopeful that we will emerge into some new and beautiful space. I am hopeful that the shift taking place will result in the creation of new working lives and stronger, better connected communities.

This is all very real.

03.19.20 pt. 2

Sometimes things get frustrating. Sometimes things are circular. Sometimes there simply aren’t answers. Sometimes.

Never stop moving forward. Never.

03.19.20

Late last fall I started recording simple videos and sharing them on the social media platforms that I was using at the time. The videos were short and succinct and contained a message that was consistent. I got a lot of positive feedback in the time that I was posting the videos.

As I am walking through this unprecedented period in time, I am drawn to put these videos back into the world. Without the social media platforms, my only current avenue is this site. As such, I am going to work on creating a page here that allows for their delivery. Look for it in the next couple of days and feel free to share the videos once they show up. The world might need a friendly reminder.

03.17.20 pt. 2

Is this fear? Is this inability to feel grounded some manifestation of anxiety? Is the failure to comprehend the widespread suffering that is unfolding in real time before my eyes a byproduct of my own insecurity?

Is it? 

I am not overtly worried. I do not believe that I am going to die from any kind of contraction of this virus. 

And yet I am out of words. I cannot collect my thoughts in a way that makes sense to me. I cannot slow my brain down enough to gather any of conception as to what is actually taking place. Students are at home and will be away from their places of learning for the foreseeable future. My neighbors and friends are being laid off without pay. The services I have come to know as common place are evaporating. 

This is now. People are being told to stay home. Our leaders in government are suggesting we isolate.  

Unreal. Surreal. Economic fallout that has never been seen before. 

This is where we are and while my brain is operating in overtime, I am trying my best to stay grounded and be present to myself and my dog and the people in my immediate circle. I have not done a good job of reaching out to the second ring or the third or so on. I am doing my best though and I am trying to show up as empathetic and considerate of those who’s paths I do cross.

I’m going to work. I’m showing up for my employees. I am channeling my brain directly to my heart and I am listening to both. I am here. In this. I am available, as an ear and as a sounding board. 

03.17.20

These are trying times. There is an abundance of confusion and many of us are being thrown into uncertainty.

If you need anything, I am here. My cell phone number is 507-271-3743 and the contact form is fully functional. It’s not likely that I can find you a job or send you any money, but I can be an ear. I can tell you a joke or I can just be a sounding board for any ideas you might be having. Text works best if you need it, but any form is absolutely perfect.

I know we all have circles and within them are some really great folks. I am not presenting myself as some kind of prophetic phoenix. Simply, I am available if you need a non-judgemental release.

Be well. Take care of yourself. Take care of those around you. Love fiercely and let’s get to the other end of this. Together.

03.16.20

Today is the only day and as such it serves as the perfect opportunity to reach out and let the people in your life know that you care about them. Let them know that you appreciate them. Let them know you love them. If there are people in your life at the edges, or just beyond, let them know, too.

Go forward. Always forward.

03.12.20

Be vigilant in examining your privilege. Pay close attention to your needs as they compare to your wants. Love others with intensity and intention and compassion and empathy. Be kind with your words and more with your actions. This human life is fragile and delicate and precious in every way that it presents. Our minds are intricate and complex and ever-growing organisms that are the constantly renewing sum of our previous experiences. It is these experiences that we bring to our present existence and it is these experiences that we use as a sounding board for new challenges. Be mindful. Reflect regularly. Move forward with purpose. We have an incredible opportunity in every moment to feel joy and happiness and, more importantly, we have the same opportunity to bring that same joy and happiness to those around us. Choose wisely. Love without judgement. Be well.

03.10.20

“Right now in this moment is the only moment”, said the white robed man as he loaded spoiled food into the back of an unmarked van. It was snowing and cold that night on 72nd Street and the words that were heard couldn’t have been closer to the truth. We only get this moment. What are you going to do with yours?

03.07.20

Mind meld. Transition time. So many roads and so much energy dispersed into the ether that it’s either in or out or both at the same time and a thousand ones and zeros. Dance. There’s tobacco in the air and the man at the ferry wants guns and furs for passage. Sunlight. Sun kissed. Sunken ships and rocks at the bottom of the ocean. Four years ago the dog came home and mom was born and life was altered forever. Forever forward. Up and at em. Flyby. Firefly. Peaked interest is interested. A whole thirty. Tattoos on the arm and chest and when the sun comes out the sun comes out. Fierce. Intense. Clipped nails. Stream of consciousness. Stream of water. Stream of dreams. Field of dreams. Baseball season and the saggy sidi’s. Mud season. Mud hens and laughing hyenas and some nature film about animals in Africa. The West. The greatest. The one and only and another one that is also the only, but can there be only two onlys and only one at the same time? The same Tim. The same Tim and his brother Tim and their uncle Tim had time to go to the festival of Tim’s, but they left without their shared father and his father and their alcoholism. They left for the party before the party started and they got their after it finished. The Tim and Tom and Doug. The space ship on the rug. The earthly beings that circle the wagons and prepare for the rapture. The red sneakers and the tin foil hats and the media man tell us to calm down as they pump fear into our veins. Like a heroin addict we just take it and nod off.

03.06.20

I create a separation between myself and the other person as a way of detaching myself because I sense the beginning of pain. That is to say, I pull back from relationships because I have experienced pain in relationships. It’s a wall I build to protect myself. 

It’s something I have experienced over and over and over and until I am willing to leave myself unprotected by the wall, I will never feel true and genuine love. 

I cannot say that this is true for all, but, by my experience, I think it’s close to being accurate for many.

Making plans is nice. Having regular feedback regarding interest and attraction is nice. Being told I am wanted is nice, but when these things don’t happen, I have a reason to throw more bricks up and when I throw more bricks up, I feel comfortable because I am in control and when I am in control, I can avoid pain.

Sadly, when I am so determined to avoid pain, I also avoid love and care and kindness. 

My goal today is to not throw any bricks at my wall and be open to the love and care and kindness of others in my circle.

Just thoughts.

03.04.20

Anchors away and a parking spot across the street from some place called Mary Ellen’s. Fish bowls and fish and chips and the sound of a dozen dishes crashing. Check the phone and watch out for the internet because it’ll get you every time. Send that letter to Arizona. Beached whales and broken sawhorses and a million Indians displaced by white people hungry for free land and their very own chance at liberty. What unbelievable level of fucked up happened here in the 1800’s? What kind of lawlessness promoted the killing of human beings in the name of growth? It still happens. It happens today. Death in the name of progress. Sadly, today, our lawlessness is tied up in our laws and our monies and our government and our marketing. Our death is slow and agonizing and painful and isolated because our kids don’t have time and they put us in nursing homes because it’s easier than caring for our elderly selves. It’s bananas and bonkers and catchy words that used to mean something until time happened and the tattoos stopped and the timer went off and things were not respected. The boundaries. The fences. The happiness set aside for the joy. Round and round. Up and down. Inside out. Over and under and a lawnmower parked on blocks because the wheels stopped wheeling when the deck hit the rocks in the front yard. Rope tricks and horse wranglers and cowboys. Frightened. Strings of thought. Consciousness confused for conscientiousness. Corduroy jackets and a monkey on the pocket. Wear the hat. Wear all the hats. Stop. Be nice. Channel the energy into positivity and make somebody smile. Do it. Ask for nothing and get everything. I love you.

03.03.20

Exhausted. Drained. Empty. Yet full. 

The byproducts brought forth by the uncovering of a hornets nest have revealed themselves in ways that I have not previously experienced. It is as intense as it is relaxing. It is profound and deep and shallow and simple. It is conversation and extension. It is listening and hearing. It is taking every blow with grace and dignity while remaining steadfast in my own integrity. It is showing up when I’m tired. It is showing up when I feel like running. It’s riding the bike and doing the pushups and taking time to take care of myself. It is everything and nothing. Byproducts. Hornets. Bees. Winged beasts that are as much a part of nature as the sun rising and setting. Are they beasts? Is the hornet sting not just a reminder that we feel? Sure, there are allergies and an occasional death, but by and large the sting of the hornet is remedied by time...just like everything else in this world. Time heals. Let it pass. Participate in it. Jump headlong into the wind and see where it takes you. Adventure. Life. A change of course. A chance meeting at a bar. An opportunity to be seized. Relish in it. Grab it by the horns. This life. The only one we get. 

03.01.29

Coffee, clay and gingerbread houses. Ninety miles in one direction and the music from twenty years ago. Instructions on properly drying clay. Golf bags. That’s where the money is.

Nothing matters and the internet will lie to you.

Social media is for envy.

Acts of kindness will resolve your dilemma every time. Be love. Feel love. Open doors and an open heart. It’s not surgery. It’s not science. Get exercise. Be nice. Write letters and communicate. Holding things in to figure them out is the fast track to depression.

02.29.20

It’s Leap Day. The extra day. The plus one. The add-on. The day that counts, but doesn’t count unless it’s your birthday. It’s also Saturday. All day.

RADIATE POSITIVITY

Send out what you want to get in return and it will likely happen. The world is your oyster. Your mind is your biggest enemy. Follow your heart and trust your gut.

RADIATE KINDNESS

02.28.20

To Whomever Might Read This:

I hope today is filled with amazing for you. I hope, when you wake, that you are smothered by feelings of awe and wonder. I hope your smile is contagious and that all those around leave wondering how you can be so happy. I hope there is someone in your life that lets you know that you are loved and appreciated and valued. I hope today is the best day and that tomorrow is better. You got this!

Love, Chris