I create a separation between myself and the other person as a way of detaching myself because I sense the beginning of pain. That is to say, I pull back from relationships because I have experienced pain in relationships. It’s a wall I build to protect myself.
It’s something I have experienced over and over and over and until I am willing to leave myself unprotected by the wall, I will never feel true and genuine love.
I cannot say that this is true for all, but, by my experience, I think it’s close to being accurate for many.
Making plans is nice. Having regular feedback regarding interest and attraction is nice. Being told I am wanted is nice, but when these things don’t happen, I have a reason to throw more bricks up and when I throw more bricks up, I feel comfortable because I am in control and when I am in control, I can avoid pain.
Sadly, when I am so determined to avoid pain, I also avoid love and care and kindness.
My goal today is to not throw any bricks at my wall and be open to the love and care and kindness of others in my circle.
Just thoughts.