Just ahead of hitting that Richard Petty milestone, I made it. I made it into a space of my own and with that comes all of the responsibilities that typically attach themselves to homeownership.
It’s gonna be a little difficult. It’s also gonna be a little great. The kids are asleep right now and we all have a ton of work to do today, but we’re gonna do it and we’re gonna keep moving forward because it’s what we do.
I am stoked. Real stoked.
Today is the day. It’s been six years since I’ve stayed with my kids in a space that isn’t borrowed. Tonight that changes…along with almost everything else.
Hello, Minneapolis.
Hello, new me.
There are things in this life that I have absolute control over.
There are many other things in this life that I do not have control over.
It is critical that I understand the difference.
Self-preservation in the digital era is a fascinating exercise in ego.
There is no question that text is the presently preferred method for communication. It is an excellent means for the transmission of information between parties. It’s readily available, boundless in terms of length and depth and widely accepted. It’s easy.
It also frequently lacks context and inflection. It’s supremely subject to interpretation and liable to provoke emotion without intent at any given moment. Yet we rely so heavily on it to help us form opinions about other humans. So much so that we make real-time decisions as to who is allowed in and out of our non-digital lives based solely on our interactions and subsequent opinions relating to these digital interactions.
It’s real heckin neat.
Or maybe it isn’t?
And that’s just the works of text communication. We won’t discuss the inherent catastrophic nature of social media.
In short, the internet is great and awful all at the same time. Not only can we order mason jars and schedule them to be delivered through the window of our self-starting automobile, but we can make real-time assumptions about another human being based solely on how we interpret the words they choose to type and send without ever fact-checking that persons genuine intent. We can just cut people loose from our lives when the words they select don’t fit our narrative because we probably met them in a digital space and, as such, can just abandon them there in a similar fashion.
We are an incredible flavor of meat, us humans. So rich in our evolved state that we have boiled our existence down to the information we get on a screen the size of our palm.
Maybe try calling…after all, we do still call them phones.
Remember when I had those business cards for the knot company I ran? There was the warehouse full of rope and the bolts of black fabric stacked to the ceiling. Do you remember that? It was like a pay phone that nobody knew the number to.
Sidewalk coffee. Two slices of pizza and a glass bottle of Coke. That morning on the train. What went wrong? Elevator rides. Hummingbirds. Second shifts turning into thirds.
Pack up your shit and get out. In fact, how about if I pack it all up for you and leave it in the hallway? Remember that? 4 1/2 Street? That was a bummer and I let it shape me for way too many years into the future. It happens. You had influence. It’s since expired.
Three more sleeps. Everything changes. The bus is leaving. Are you on it?
Starbucks. Dinner after the banquet with Jeff to discuss the terms of the lease. The banquet was bonkers and there were so many people from the past. Loading docks and doors that wouldn’t shut. Doctors having dinner on the patio. Lattes out of reusable cups. Young families carrying little baseball players across empty parking lots. It’s all a little blurry, but depending upon how you file your taxes the meter reader might let you loose. Five more days. Or four. Hinges. Come on universe, give me another victory like the Wilde and don’t let this one walk.
Last night was all bikes. I’ve been riding a lot lately and it makes me real happy. Forty miles a day when it happens. It’s all part of a commitment to making better choices regarding my own health. When I’m healthy…so are the people around me. It’s how it works.
No news on the house, but I do get the feeling that there are some players involved with little to no experience when it comes to navigating rough seas. Hopefully they can do the work and make it happen. If they can’t I suppose there’s always plan b.
Separately, I have decided that there are many in this nation that have grown to believe that the “American” way is identical to the human way. The two are wildly different.
On that note, I’ve also concluded that the modern human living in the United States is best to come to terms with their own version of Capitalism. Once that individual understanding is underway, we are likely a little further down the path toward true equality.
Nothing overnight. The house situation hit a snag. Competent parties involved. Calm. All will be good. This house needs to happen.
Correction. There was a dinner in the warehouse that was the warehouse and the table full of cops. There was some exchange and it wasn’t pleasant and some of the party got scared. What happened in the parking lot after was unrelated as the old guy and his lady came back and wanted to look at the stars. Tough to do in the city.
There was a handheld porcupine and a bear on the loose. Pancakes under the food preserver and a trainee that got a hefty dose of this is how we do things. There was a really strange video game store that doubled as a stereo shop and some kind of unmasked basketball game with a crowd that was anything but separated. It all happened in a mall. It was so real and so obviously absurd. I remember the unbaked cookies. I remember some kind of contest. I remember it in pieces.
A week from now I’ll be in my own house. It’ll be a brand new start. Putting roots down. Unbelievable.
So much so that you’ll wish you’d held on because if you could have just remained calm and not let the expectation rule the roost in your mind, the handheld porcupine would have just of stared at you funny. Onward.
I took a tour of a plane called the Pharoah tonight and while I was certainly impressed with its size, I was disappointed that the replica of it wasn’t to full scale. Having been billed by the staff at the Seattle airport as the largest plane ever built I anticipated seeing something several football fields long. When it was unveiled, I was actually disappointed. That’s the thing about it and no matter who pushed open that door, seeing that model hanging from the ceiling was going to be a disappointment.
Separately, I remember being in the cabin, the south shore steps away. The fire in the wood stove and the wild plan to ventilate it by digging holes in the side of the bed. Then there were the vacation vibes and the drawings. There was no animosity. There was no doubt. There was only ever forward progress and those ever-present expectations that just couldn’t get left behind. Turkeys. Pine trees. The neighbors place. All the skateboard homies and few cans of the cold ones. What a party. Ham salad and King’s Hawaiian.
Is it pride or ego or self-preservation? Is it really any of those things if the projected perspective is truly come as you are? Holes in the argument. Conflicting reports. Things cannot be two things. They either are one or they are not.
Separately, the house with the glass exterior and the skeletal, winding elevator serves little purpose. The Down syndrome cashier with the bag of Cheetos and the soda made a difference, but it was too little too late because there was no place to park at the art fair.
Pick up the phone. The houses aren’t getting younger and there are deliveries that need to be made. I bet the artwork came down. You called it. Hanged out to dry, but the boots fit the overalls on the couch in a room full of old ladies at Christmas.
4:09am. Like the cleaner. I don’t sleep anymore.
Life is short. Make time where there is none.
Some day down the road there will be a moment where you ask yourself some questions and you know now what the answers are, but you can’t bring yourself to actually go through with it.
Time waits for no one.
This platform picks up in many ways from a new location on 02.01.21.
Washington
Another year. Hopefully yours is filled with everything you need and nothing you don’t.
If 2020 didn’t offer you lessons, you likely weren’t paying attention.
If, 364 days from now, you are still lesson free, perhaps it’s time you start writing that series of encyclopedias.
Be nice to each other.
Hug people when you can.
Tell people you love them.
Make today amazing.
I quit smoking and I’m buying a house in Minneapolis. Bonkers.
The neighbor spent the summer building a canoe under an awning on the west side of his house. He used long strips of some kind of hard wood and glue and a host of curse words. I only mention it because as of today the canoe was missing. I’m not certain as to where it went, but I certify that it is, in fact, gone. Most days, through the summer months, he would be out there doing something to the vessel, be it sanding or clamping or just standing near it. Often, through the heat of summer, I wondered why he would undertake such a project if it resulted in so much frustration? Perhaps he just enjoys cursing? Honestly, I have no idea.
Also, but separately, it’s cold again. Cold as in winter. Cold as in chilled to the bone. Temperatures like these do, however, afford the luxury of wearing jackets, which is nice.
You are loved.
You are appreciated.
You have value.
Smoke a cigarette in the silence of the driveway. Enjoy the darkness and the quiet. Nothing above but stars and empty branches. The country exhaled today and it felt good, but like with nearly everything in life, this is not the finish line. We have miles to go.
Go it alone. Go in the quiet. Find the reminders. Seek not to be approved. Settle the past. Everything is exactly as it should be.
Dogs walking people. Sirens in the distance.
The show at First Ave. The broken pedal. The distance in that parking ramp. The van and the truck and the adventures. Forward. Soak it in. Feel it brush past you in the wind. Nothin left to do but smile, smile, smile.
Name ten things you wanna do before you die and then go do them
Name ten places you really wanna be before you die and then go to them
Name ten books you wanna read before you die and then go read them
Name ten songs you wanna hear again before you die, get all of your friends together and scream them
Because right now all you have is time time time yeah,
But someday that time will run out
That's the only thing you can be absolutely certain aboutp
Think of all the things that are wrong with your life and then fix them
Think of all the things that you love about your life, be thankful you are blessed with them
Think of all the things that hold you back and realize that you don't need them
Think of all the mistakes you have made in your life, make sure that you never repeat them
Because right now all you have is time time time yeah,
But someday that time will run out
That's the only thing you can be absolutely certain about
Name ten thousand reasons why you never wanna die, go and tell someone who might've forgotten
Try to list the endless reasons why it's good to be alive, and then just smile for awhile about them
Soon the sun will rise and another day will come
Soon enough the sun will set, another day will be gone
And right now all you have is time time time yeah,
But someday that time will run out
That's the only thing you can be absolutely certain about
Paul Baribeau