I can get real negative. It’s a thing that happens.
Lately, it’s been happening a lot. It’s probably related to the pandemic that has swept its way across this planet. Additionally, it’s also related to my own inability to practice the things I’ve been working so hard on for the last few years. Those things are, in no particular order...
Staying present
Acknowledging my own humanity
Acknowledging the humanity of others
Accepting things as they are
Finding positives within negatives
Loving myself
Loving others
Acknowledging my own value
Acknowledging the value in others
Appreciating the efforts of others
It is way too easy for me to put myself first and align myself with whatever expectations I have developed for the behavior of those that I might intersect with. My trouble in doing lies in the idea that I rarely, if ever, communicate my expectations to the others ahead of casting judgement upon them when they fail to meet said expectations.
I do this kind of shit all the time and every time I get frustrated and angry. Seems like a real brilliant way to operate. Cast judgement against others when they fail to understand how important my beliefs are and fail to understand why they won’t just see things the way I do because obviously I’m smarter and know way more than they do about everything. Smart.
Another thing I do that is completely useless to me is use the behavior of one thing to build a concrete argument against all things like that one thing. It’s real great and it’s super helpful.
For example, I’ll ride my bike home from work and there will be a vehicle with an Uber sticker in the window temporarily parked in the bike lane. In this example, I will quietly proclaim to myself that all Uber drivers are assholes and that they can all fuck off and die. Real fair of me. Cast judgement on the whole lot because of the act of one individual driver. It’s genius of me and requires a very large brain.
This model works really well when analyzing public policy and/or generic institutions like golf or religion. It’s 100% legit to think that all religions are dumb because of the acts of a handful of their followers. Never mind that whatever the religion might be may have millions of followers with millions of different backgrounds. Based solely on my interactions with one of the extreme personalities, I usually find it safe to assume that each and every one of them is completely fucked and should die. More extreme brilliance on my part. So inclusive.
Man, I can be a real asshole when I’m talking to myself. Every more-so when I actually let the negative words in my head come out and interact with another person’s ears.
I digress. Today I need to be grateful. Tomorrow, too. I need to do the work of staying present and remind myself that even though things might be difficult for me at this moment, things are likely difficult for everyone else, as well, and, as such, we’ll all better off if I can just take an extra breath and do my best to not cast judgement and refrain from being a crabby old man.