Time and space and imagination and a bunch of circles colliding into each other to create Venn Diagrams. This is how we live. Every day. We are simply circles bumping into each other and sharing an intersection for a moment or several. What’s odd is that, sometimes, even when we aren’t directly in contact with another and their circle, we still overlap. It’s stunning really. Intersecting with another human being even though they cannot be seen or touched. Our minds are incredible in their capacity to leave the present and wander off into the past or the future. It’s a lot.
For the last several weeks I have been focusing on the concept mentioned above. As such, I too have not been fully present to my surroundings. I’m not certain it’s even possible to be fully present one-hundred percent of the time, but, alas, it is an excellent goal.
I digress. Venn Diagrams. Our intersecting points as humans. What does it mean? What is the value in this analysis? I have surmised the following:
I am one person. In being this one person, I occupy only the space above my feet. For the sake of keeping things simple, I have decided to view the space above my feet as a perfect circle that I constantly occupy. This circle, this space above my soles, is everything about me. It is my feelings. It is my touch and my scent and my audio and my taste and my sight. It is my emotions and my memories. It is everything that makes me who I am as a human. Like me, everyone else has a circle underneath them and their circle’s represent who they are.
When I interact with another, be it by sight or by sound or by touch or by scent, according to this visual way of understanding, my circle is intersecting with their circle. Where our circles overlap is key.
Imagine it this way. I have this circle underneath me that represents me and I am the sole responsible party for what the contents of that circle are. I get to decide what clothes I wear and what words I use. I get to decide how I smell and how I feel things when I touch them. I get to decide who I like and who I dislike. I get to decide who I love and who I do not love. I get to decide everything that registers as a thought in my brain. This is my reality. Everyone else gets the same with their circle.
When I find myself overlapping my circle with that of another, be it seated next to a stranger on a bus ride, or deep in a conversation with a loved one, the contents of my circle are mingling with the contents of their circle. How these contents interact it super important, but without mindfulness as to the overlap, things can get real weird, real fast. For example, I may not know anything about the other person and as a result, I may say something that is common place and comfortable to me, but that very same thing may resonate poorly with them. Because our circles are overlapping, where they intersect is no longer one-hundred percent mine. This overlap becomes a shared space. It’s not any different than having a fence around one’s property and leaving the gate open. With unabated access to this shared space, we don’t get to control what comes in and we should be prepared for anything. This can be scary. A ray of hope exists though because we do get to control, one-hundred percent of the time what we contribute to this shared space. If we want to say kind things, we get to do that. If we want to make positive contributions to the others circle, we get to do that. Conversely, if we want to be rude or spiteful or mean, we get to do that do. These intersecting spaces is where our humanity happens.
So…circles. They’re a thing. At least to me. What’s more about these circles is the way my mind occupies itself around the circles that I cannot see or touch. My mind, in all of its incredible wonder, somehow manages to find a way to intersect with folks that aren’t even close. On the surface it doesn’t sound like much. It actually seems pretty normal to think about the people I care about when I am not around them. This is all fine and good, but what about when my mind wanders to somebody that I do not care much about? What about when my mind occupies itself with someone that has wronged me or negatively interrupted my life in some way? What does this exertion of energy do for my emotional health? How does this pattern of thought remove me from the present and launch me into the past or the future? Does any of it even matter?
Yes. The answer, to me, is yes.
When I am fully present to my circle and to the circle’s of others as they are physically in my life, they are getting one-hundred percent of my attention. When I am thinking about someone or something else, my attention is diverted from what is happening in the immediate physical space around me and I am giving less than one-hundred percent. As I think about the people that I often see and genuinely care about, it troubles me to think that I may be giving them less than all of my attention. It pains me to think that I might be inconsiderate to their needs and their desire to overlap my circle because I am thinking about something or someone else. The Venn Diagram visual is a helpful tool for acknowledging myself in these situations.
All of this might sound jumbled and disorganized. It is entirely possible that it is. After all, these are just words being dumped onto a page. To me, though, this makes a ton of sense and it has helped me be more specific when I address and interact with others. Adopting this view of myself and myself as I interact with others has improved my mood and left me happy in places and times when I have previously been depressed and/or disappointed. It has allowed me the space to feel like I am in complete control of my life. It has empowered me to believe in my choices and my words and my actions. It has created a space for me to use the aforementioned as tools to foster kindness and build strong, healthy relationships with the people around me and while I realize that this method may not be for everyone, I am curious to pursue it more and discuss it at every opportunity that presents itself.